Here We Go

It is May 16. Wow. 5 more days left of school. Kinda unbelievable. Although I am extremely tired and need a rest from school, I hate to see it end and I will miss the kids and my school family. My own family consists of my boxer, Alexandria, my mastiff-mix, Murphy, and myself. Pretty small. Although sometimes they are all I need. I do wish I were close in distance to my friend, Cheryl, in West Virginia, and my Aunt June in Texas. But I am definitely never moving back to WV and can't see myself living in TX. I grew up in Oklahoma and was never really crazy about living there. Always dreamt of moving to a state that had a little more personality. Sorry Oklahoma - you have some great qualities but not really what I was looking for. Texas is very similar to OK so I don't think that is the best state for me. I would love to be near family that I could interact with more without a lot of drama though. And I think that my aunt and cousins would fit the bill. So there is my quandry. To live in a state where I don't have close friends and/or family (although I have friends and family) but love the state or vice-versa. I have tried to analyze why I need to love the state I live in and found that it greatly affects my state of mind. I have to live in a warm, mostly sunny place. The warmer, the better. The thought of living in a place like WV again is enough to drive me over the edge. I so loved being near good friends and my bestest friend and her daughter when I was there but it wasn't enough to make me want to stay once my divorce was final. I think maybe that made some of my friends not want to be my friend anymore after I moved. I can understand that now. I have always had people connection problems and many years later, I find I am still having them. I can connect with people on one level but once I - or they - start moving to the next level, I start to have issues. I guess it's a trust thing. How cliche. The one person that I feel the most extreme connection with and want to be with is the one person that is unavailable to me in the manner that I need. Human connections are a strange and fragile thing. I am starting this blog as a personal journal in hopes of working through some of the things I am now - and have been for a while - struggling with. So here we go...